Inverness & Great Glen Region

Stress, anxiety and self-care in sex and relating. Beanie2

Stress, anxiety,
self-care and
in sexuality
and relating

Whether your
sex and relating
lifestyle is traditional,
monogam-ish, LGBT,
open, polyamorous,
or simply something
very uniquely
special to you

Are you basically happy and content in your intimate relationship(s) and/or personal sexuality? Or, do you have stressful and anxiety-generating interactions, sexual or emotional frustrations, unfulfilled ambitions and goals, or worries that prevent you from making your relating and your sex or relationship life more satisfying, less stressful, less anxious, more complete or more communicative? In addition to coaching traditionally monogamous individuals and relationship couples in limited areas, I particularly specialise in coaching within all areas and orientations of non-traditional/alternative lifestyle consensual sexuality and relating. This includes demi-sexuality, pansexuality, and absolutely all aspects of ethical non-monogamy/open relating, polyamory and BDSM.

My relationship coaching fuses together my MA training in integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy, my many years of experience as a sex and relationship counsellor, as a stress and anxiety management coach, and my counsellor-developed specialisations in various areas of emotional and behavioural self-change. You won't be surprised, therefore, that my coaching on relationships and sexuality focuses largely on self-development, self-care, goal achievement and self-fulfilment in areas of your relating and sexuality that are currently -- or potentially -- challenging, or actually stressful and anxious for you.

Over many years, evidence-based psychological and medical research has consistently shown that feeling content, relaxed and fulfilled with your sexual life and relating, and with who you are as a sexual being, helps to keep your stress levels lower. This, of course, helps to create an overall mentally and physically healthier life. In the better case scenario, sex (either penetrational sex with a partner or partners, or through self- or mutual masturbation) is one of the potentially greatest ways to release stress, providing that it’s the right kind of sex for you (intimate, casual, whatever), done with the right partner(s), and/or in the right context to suit your needs. However, sadly, sex and any associated relating can also be one of the biggest areas in life for stress and anxiety to be created or made far, far worse for you, by yourself, by your partner(s), or by others in your life (past or current).

My aim is to work with you on your relating and sexuality stress, your self-care and your self-development goals, to help you reach a point of personal and (where applicable) couple self-fulfilment. My coaching includes self-development, goal achievement and self-fulfilment within traditional monogamous and non-traditional and alternative sexuality, including all forms of non-monogamous relating, demisexuality, and pansexuality.

So, based on this, I approach relationship and sexuality coaching as a journey that's all about you increasing your enjoyment and satisfaction in who you are and how you relate intimately and sexually. My work with you focuses on guiding, supporting and encouraging you in improving what you feel needs to be improved, in order to increase your pleasure, self-confidence, self-esteem and fulfilment in your relating and sexuality. This also includes answering any worrying questions about your relating and sexuality that may be holding you back in developing or expressing your sexual intimacy or communicating your needs or feelings. And if you're not happy about who you are sexually, then we can also work together on self-development through improving your self-image and confidence in a way that properly validates the person that you are. If there are deeper underlying issues that you need, or wish to explore and understand, then I will recommend you into counselling/psychotherapy with another professional. This is because coaching is not suitable for deep psychological exploration, and so you need to work through these areas, gently and thoroughly, in a psychotherapeutic setting.

I'm pleased to offer you relationship and sexuality coaching that supports, guides and encourages your development in sexual and intimate relationship self-knowledge and understanding. These areas include, communication, intimacy, self-expression, greater sexual knowledge and many other relational dynamics that you might wish to improve in your loving relating and your sexuality, thereby increasing relationship satisfaction and decreasing your stress levels.

I am also well qualified to answer worrying questions about sex and relating, or discuss coaching, or counselling, ways to potentially move forward from areas in your sexual and relating life that are causing you to feel stuck or trapped in worry and anxious thinking. In my work I’m happy to coach adult individuals, relationship couples, or small polyamorous/ethically non-monogamous groups across all areas of relationship and sexuality coaching. You will find my approach caring, warm and professional, highly confidential and respectful, motivational, supportive, positive and relaxingly informal.

Who do I work with as clients? Well, since 2000, my clients have represented a wide range of nationalities, linguistic groups, ethnic groups, and socio-economic groups. I've worked in-person with clients living just a few houses away, ranging to clients as far afield as Vietnam (by phone and internet). I'm very comfortable working with people from all lifestyles, sexualities and orientations, whether traditional monogamous marriage or heterosexual partnering, LGBT, non-monogamous/polyamorous, demisexual, whatever. In fact, I'm completely friendly and welcoming to, supportive of, and knowledgeable about all gender combinations, sexualities and lifestyles involving adult, mutually consensual, informed sexuality and relating. All are very natural and normal examples of the wide range of human life experience.

For your own protection, please be aware, that coaching never involves any form of sexual flirting or intimate sexual touch of any kind between coach and client. No coach (or counsellor) should ever ask you to allow or give sexual contact with or to them. Sexual touch, or any unwanted contact, in our context is always considered abusive and totally unethical.

I am able, and very pleased, to coach you in any one, or combination, of the following areas of relating and sexuality:

*Understanding and self-validating your sexuality and relationship needs.

*Managing stress and anxiety between partners.

*Negotiating your relationship boundaries or sexual boundaries.

*Maintaining relationship or sexual boundaries against coercion.

*Self-care for yourself and your intimate relationship.

*Dealing with emotional conflict in relating and sex.

*Developing or re-discovering your physical/sexual intimacy.

*Developing or re-discovering emotional intimacy.

*Improving/developing communication skills.

*Establishing common relationship goals – what is your relationship about?

*Overcoming shyness, anxiousness, fear, insecurity in sexual and intimate emotional situations.

*Negotiating change within your relationship.

*Coaching for self-development and personal goal achievement to reduce stress and anxiety in non-traditional and alternative sexuality, including all forms of non-monogamous relating, demisexuality, and pansexuality.

*Learning to relate and understand and support each other’s emotional and sexual needs.

*Learning how to develop sexual skills together.

*Negotiating changes in relationship structure (e.g. changing from monogamy to non-monogamy, one or more partners exploring a same-gender interest outside of the opposite-gender couple).

*Maintaining sexual pleasure and emotional intimacy as you get older.

*Evolving away from emotional and behavioural rigidity in your relating and sexuality.

*Getting unstuck from relationship worries, fears, anxieties and insecurities.

*Developing your communication and partnering skills further in your sexual relating (as an individual, a couple or small group).

*Viral and other health epidemic/pandemic related stress and anxiety effects on your sex and relationships, including coping with social distancing/isolation and its after-effects.

And, of course, I am also always pleased to answer difficult, embarrassing questions about sexuality and relating, concerning absolutely any kind of consensual sexual context. Nothing shocks me, embarrasses me, or causes me to judge you in any way whatsoever.

Would you like to contact me for an informal chat
regarding relationship and sexuality self-development coaching?

My approach with my clients is always ethical, professional, warm, empathic, caring, highly supportive and motivational, and completely confidential. And I have a sense of humour! I consider that the quality of our professional relationship together is the most important determinant of success. I always approach my relationship coaching from a strong interest in helping you to develop effective control of your sexuality and relating. This process of taking control is the key to avoiding the very damaging results of letting stress, anxiety, relationship frustration, dissatisfaction, and sexuality self-doubts dominate and -- over time -- erode away your personal, relationship and sexual life. Please follow this link to find out about my philosophy, background and qualifications.

Please contact me initially through my website email and we can then arrange a mutually convenient phone call (no fee charged), so that we can talk confidentially, for as long as it takes, about your current needs and requirements. I’ll be very pleased to respond promptly to your email enquiry.

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