Sexual Relating and its Fascinating DiversitySexuality is potentially one of the greatest of human pleasures, capable of being one of the most incredible and intense ways through which we can express our love for, and / or our physical attraction to, others. It is also shown by a wealth of scientific research to be one of the major keys to good physical and emotional health. Yet, for all manner of psychological and social reasons, for many of us it can also be a burden, a cause of fear and pain, and a dark cloud for so many otherwise perfectly well-adjusted people. There are many complex reasons why people sometimes fear sex or find it a burden, including traumatic experiences of adult sexual abuse, or the very common and often deeply-hidden-within-families early sexually abusive and trust-eroding childhood experiences committed by parents, other family members, or family friends. Proper psychotherapy can almost always help with, and sometimes even completely eradicate, these issues. You don't have to live with this burden all your life (as some women and men, unfortunately, do).
In many other cases as well, especially where a person practises a non-mainstream form of sexuality or sexual lifestyle, there can also be serious doubts and nagging concerns regarding "Am I normal?" Yet, the simple fact is that no matter what kind of adult informed consensual sex you and your partner(s) enjoy there will be someone else out there who thinks it fabulously exciting (and wishes their sex life was as thrilling) and yet another person who will find it totally disgusting! If it is between adults, mutually informed, and mutually consensual, and you get pleasure from it, then it's right for you - that's all that matters. You do need to be aware though that, even though psychotherapists, sexologists, psychologists and psychiatrists may accept the healthy and wholesome nature of some less usual sexual activities, the law varies greatly from one geographical area to another on what you may legally enjoy.
Whilst most Western societies espouse heterosexual monogamous marriage as the social norm, there are, and always have been, many other kinds of equally valid and emotionally / physically pleasing relationships and options available within the wide scope of human sexuality. Historically this is, of course, well documented and beyond any challenge. In more recent years there have been steps forward in understanding the normality of many previously castigated sexual enjoyments. Recent editions of influential psychological classification systems such as the American Diagnostic and Statistical Manual and the World Health Organisation's International Classification of Diseases Vol. 10 have reclassified many areas of fringe sexuality that were previously considered harmful as being normal, if - for most people - somewhat unusual. This would include various aspects of consensual adult BDSM and Fetish activity, of course. In many countries consequent changes in the law (though still suffering from inertia in many nations) reflect a new and very welcome understanding on these matters.
Many of the somewhat more enlightened societies are now engaging more openly and pragmatically with the reality of other forms of legally-recognized relating. Gay marriages, for example, are finding some degree of acceptance. Outside of this there are many others for whom the traditional heterosexual monogamous marriage / partnership holds no attraction, or feels too confining. Thus, polyamorous relationships (heterosexual or bisexual), swinging relationships, and various other forms of more open sexual relating appear to be more common.
In my client work I see all kinds of people who enjoy / live all manner of non-conformist sexual lifestyles and orientations, as well as those who enjoy or prefer a traditional heterosexual relationship. I regard this vast variation as being fascinating, exciting, and perfectly natural (as, indeed, it is) and not only am I happy to work with clients whose sexuality is outside of mainstream ideas, I actively invite such clients to contact me. I welcome, am knowledgeable about - and very friendly to - all and any alternative and "minority" sexual lifestyles and orientations. Whatever your sexuality, traditional or non-conformist, psychotherapy may well be a significant step forward in helping you to find some deeply personal answers and self-understanding and learning how to better manage -- or even perhaps resolve -- your emotional and behavioural problems. What I can guarantee is that, in undertaking psychotherapy with me, it is your problems that we will focus on; we will not pathologise your sexuality!
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